Cultivating healthy space within relationships can help them to be long lasting and thriving. How the heck do you create that in a world that is SO full?
I am a big energy, that is for sure. I am a committed person and when I am in, I am in. I am a verbal communicator and I am a lover, physically and through my words. I love to be in connection with the people I love and hold dear. I love to share, connect, and experience. All of that said, one of my greatest values is begin within integrity, NOT ONLY for myself. I strongly value being in relation with others who are within integrity.
Due to the ebbs and flows of life, sometimes we are able to be more open, have the energy to be super close and connect deeply, while other times we may feel more contracted or internal. Maybe one’s alone time is more important than another or they feel they ’need’ more alone time. Other times, life is really shifting and changing, there is a lot of uncertainty and one feels overwhelm, so they want to take care of themselves by conserving energy, choosing to pull back a bit from others in order to do so.
This is NORMAL and so beautiful to me. When I am in a relationship with someone - intimate or friendship - and they HONOR this and let me know where they are, I am SOOO grateful. (Just a little side note, they MAY not always be aware of this occurring, so it is up to me to not create a story….that is an entirely different blog post!)
I respect when they let me know and I want to support someone where they are in each moment. I prefer someone saying to me, ‘Hey, I love you, I just am unable to be there for you emotionally right now. Just know that I love you.’ Rather than try to be there with me or for me, feeling stifled and suffocated, which most of the time will eventually lead to guilt because they don’t feel they are showing up as the friend or partner they ’should’ be, and then make the other person wrong by thinking, ‘UGH! They are so much! They need so much!’
That is the recipe for disaster resulting in one person carrying a tremendous amount of guilt and self-loathing, and potentially, the other person is in the dark, yet feeling as if they are a burden. Clearly, this is only one way to play out. I’m exhausted now, how about you?
Take a moment to watch The Connection Coach Tune-Up on my own personal experience around this within relationship and how we ‘came out on the other side’ more connected and feeling a huge exhale.
*Begin to notice when in life you naturally expand-feel open, free, safe to connect. Begin to notice the times you feel more contracted-inward, not wanting to be around many people or even share with others. This is YOUR own rhythm and this will change.
*When you begin to notice these or if you have noticed them in your life already, pay attention if you make yourself ‘wrong’ for either of these. Notice if you fight or resist when you are one way or the other.
*In the times of the very natural and organic shift, consider first honoring the space that you are in. Acknowledge it and offer yourself permission to be there. Practice giving it a voice-this can be in journaling, out loud to yourself or even sharing with someone-friend, coach, therapist. When we practice allowing that part of us to breath, we begin to get comfortable and develop a trust that we are safe in this ebb and flow. We begin to offer ourselves a permission slip to be authentically who we are in the moments of life, honoring the ebb and flow.
This may feel super scary to many because so many of us feel it is our ‘job’ to always show up ‘ON'. That’s a beautiful desire, especially if it is coming from a place of love. However, it is unrealistic and a disservice to not only the other person, but to ourselves. Sometimes being on, means saying yes to us and no to other things IN ORDER to nurture and honor ourselves. And friends, most of us are not taught this, so please keep that in mind. If there is a resistance inside of you or a ‘Yeah but HOW do I do that?!’, you are not alone.
Lean in! We are here for you. Consider giving yourself the gift of time to learn what this means for you and honor your own personal rhythm. We have many options to experience this at VDA Coaching: One-on-One Coaching is a fantastic way to get personal guidance along this journey. Reach out to me for a 15 minute consult.
If you would like the option of a group setting, immersing yourself away from your family and your everyday life, join me for an immersion or retreat.
What a world this would be if we all authentically showed up within integrity, honoring our True selves!
Create the connections you crave and expect great things,