4 Stages of Coaching

Namaste Sweet Spirits,

When you say YES to yourself!

There are certain stages I watch many clients go through when I am working with them. First though, they must see the value in having a coach.  For many, they will put their house, their expensive car, and their kid’s needs all before their own.  No judgment, it is actually the way we have been conditioned as a society.  

What's interesting about that is when all of a sudden they realize that they are so depleted and their own tanks are empty, or they have all of this 'stuff' and realize it didn't bring them the amount of joy they were hoping for, or things around them just start falling apart.  There is a conscious or unconscious tug on their heart strings saying, "There's got to be a better way".  

What I love, at this point, is when they begin to realize, "If I don't start really taking care of myself, I will continue to feel unmet, depleted, unfulfilled, alone, and I don't want to live this way anymore". That's when they actually make the call or send the email to talk.

This is HUGE!!! It is such a big step and a 'YES' to self, that no one could do for them.  This may feel like the bottom for some, in actuality, it is the universe giving you a high five.

Stage one is when they begin to see all of the ways in which they are getting in their own way. All of the addictions, habits, patterns, and stories they have become habitually enmeshed in. Some say, "Bring it! I am so ready to take this on and to change!"

For others, there is massive push back. "I didn't come to coaching to feel worse." The thing that they get to discover is that these patterns and ways of being are not WHO they are, they are things they have picked up along the way.  They are things that are blocking them from allowing their light to shine through. It doesn't feel so good, and they start to see that they don't have to live by these conditioned patterns and can choose a different way. 

The second stage is when their consciousness begins to increase.  They start to become more aware of the voice in their head, drawing them to the old ways of being that they don't like and that feel so good.

I like to think of it as muscles that they haven't used in a long time or even ever, so the muscles are significantly weaker.  Being the instantaneous and even perfectionist society we are in America, they begin to get frustrated at themselves, berate themselves for not 'getting it' yet.  Again, a conditioned way of being and thinking that there is some sort of destination to arrive at or there will be fireworks and a finish line.  

It's funny though, it would be like going to the gym for a week and expecting to be super buff.  In this stage, they begin to learn to acknowledge and validate the work they are doing and develop self-compassion muscles toward themselves. They start to feel good more frequently, and regular coaching helps them to stay on track, hold them accountable to 'hit the gym'. 

Stage three is when they are bringing the concepts into their lives a bit more. They are re framing the way they speak to themselves internally; they are catching themselves before they react to others, and are instead learning to respond. They are beginning to maintain this way of being even around others. They are feeling more confident, and start to see how they can fuel their own tanks. They begin to have less expectation of others to fuel them.  

Interestingly, there is sometimes also this 'higher than thou' attitude that occurs. They witness others around them not re framing, projecting, and being stuck in their story, and they begin judge them for not being where they are.  Attached to this, there may also be a frustration for the people around them not 'getting it'.   

From here, they make others wrong and push them away, or they jump back into the old way of being and jump into the story with them.  There is a back and forth, a push pull between the two worlds.  

The visual I have in my mind is where they have one foot in a new world of where they want to go, and the other foot in the old world. This can feel challenging. The feeling of fear can come up because they are terrified of losing certain things or people.  This makes so much sense!  

The thing I have had the honor of witnessing is that when people honor where they are and stay true to their path, allowing others to have their journey and relinquish judgment, they see that they can begin to stay more in the new world and either the others will organically meet their energy (because like attracts like energy), or relationships that didn't serve them or have outgrown one another, are ready to dissolve and create space for new ones that will serve them.  

With commitment and consistent coaching, they are able to honor their hearts desire, their integrity, and stand firmer in their own Truth. They begin to feel ease and acceptance more frequently.

Stage four is when they now have both feet planted firmly in the new way of being. There is an acceptance and a trust that occurs around them where they see that people and situations come into their lives for a reason and that life is always happening for them.  They begin to feel more fueled and connected with themselves. They begin to surround themselves with more like-minded people and things that represent who they are in present time, and find they don't get caught up in other people's stories or judgment.  

They don't take things in life so personally, and start to experience the natural and necessary ebb and flow of life with less attachment, less fear and anxiety, and ride the wave with more ease. And my most favorite thing to witness is they start to see that joy is constantly present, even in the ebb.  

If you are currently getting coached, YAY FOR YOU!!  Congratulations for learning to put you first and for seeing that when you take good care of YOU FIRST, the more able and capable you are to serve others around you. (I liken this to when the airlines tell us before takeoff to put our mask on first before we put someone else's on).

If you are considering coaching, good for you!! You are beginning to see the way you are being in life isn't working and potentially doesn't represent the life you want to live.  Perhaps most days you don't even feel so good; you are just "Hanging in there."  (I am curious, how often do you even say that to people when they ask how you are doing?)

HOME PLAY:

 *How do you want to feel in life?  What is getting in the way of taking steps to feel that way?  What are the things you are telling yourself as to why coaching isn't for you?

*NOW HONESTLY... If you aren't happy, feel stuck, resentful, tired, sad, even angry, I am curious... HOW is that serving the people around you? How do you think it is really affecting your life?

*For those of you who are coaching: Which stage are you in?  How can you honor the stage you are in and be totally present and accepting in it?

Consider shooting me an email right now to set up a 15 minute consult to chat about how coaching can support you in bridging the gap between where you are and where you want to be.

You are worth it! This is it! This is the one life you have in this body. Do you want it to be mediocre and just get by, or are you ready to thrive and experience joy?  YOU HAVE A CHOICE!  Choose you! 

Live from your Spirit, Love your life!

Valerie