When Things Don't Go As Planned

Namaste Sweet Spirits,

Grief and loss can be rather intense things to experience, and are inevitable in life.  They can be the result of smaller occurrences in our life or larger ones, and either way you slice it, theydon't feel so good. Moreover, there are often layers of each of them, or phases.  Riding the wave of grief and loss can bring up a lot of emotion and old wounds that lead to a murkiness of what is real, what is from the past, and what are illusions (fears).

I have recently been creating a dream, and in that process, there has been a certain amount of hope and possibility. These have left me feeling good, connected, and grounded.  In most recent happenings, the plans have come to a halt, and potentially a dismantling.

At first, I responded by protecting myself, where I felt like a victim.  This feeling was useful because it helped me to allow in the truth of what was occurring and helped me to understand that an inevitable change was necessary. The victim quickly turned to anger, perceiving the situation as a massive betrayal, which then lead to more anger and frustration. And now I am feeling so alone, so ungrounded and so sad. A sadness from this potential death of not only a dream, but of a friendship.  In this feeling of aloneness,  all of the times I felt so separate from my tribe (family) and my peers as a child are surfacing. In addition, I am in a city with paved streets, a lot of people and a lot of stimulation, far from my dog and the mountains, both of which are a huge aspect in grounding me and offering me a sense of security and peace.  Through all of that, I am noticing the voice and old pattern of massive self-criticism increasing.

Today, as I journal, I am digging deep into my tool box. I am practicing allowing those feeling to flow without berating myself, witnessing my humanness. I observe the voice that wants to say, "You should have known better. You messed up. You are so weak.", and remember to take a deep breath, even though all I want to do is continue to crack the whip or run away from everyone and everything.  Over the past few days, I have had the honor of leaning in on my incredibly supportive friends and am grateful for that. I have held onto the feel good feelings of all of the beauty and blessings around me.  Today, in peeling back this other layer of grief, I see that now more than ever, it is a call to return home to my Spirit and to the Divine.  For me, the next stage of this process is to massively go inward. To sit, meditate, pray, sing, cry, whatever organically comes up.  To be with me, to be with Spirit.

I believe that everything happens for a purpose, and that idea is easy for my conscious mind to access.  It is my subconscious mind that is having a more challenging time.  I remember that if I just push and try to rationalize to that part of my mind, it will only persist what it is I wish to create.  I practice trusting, as I allow all of the uncomfortable feelings to flow.  In this moment, I write, I breathe, I cry, I pray.  I write, I breathe, I cry, I pray.  I write, I breathe, and I cry I pray.  In feeling my feelings fully and knowing it is a process, the catabolic energy moves, and I trust this too shall pass.  That certainty alone brings a sense of ease to my heart.  I see the light.  I am grateful.

Home Play:
*What in your life do you feel is hell?  What is a situation or a relationship where you feel pain, loss, doubt, anger?

*Check in. Ask yourself if you have allowed yourself to feel your feelings fully around the situation. If there is a significant amount of blaming or if you keep replaying the story over and over in your head, getting heated up each time you do, most likely there is some grief or other emotions that are important to be expressed or acknowledged.  

*Consider journaling, calling your coach, or your therapist (someone who will not judge you or jump into your story) and use either platform as vehicle to process your feelings.  This may not feel so good, but remember, energy does not disappear, it only changes form.  From here, instead of getting stuck in your body creating toxicity on an energetic or physical realm, the feelings get to move and shift.


You are not alone, you are never alone. Allow your feelings to be what they are: energy.

Please feel free to leave any comments or questions below.  If you have any questions, comments, or if you feel stuck in the process, do reach out! Moving through painful situations in life is inevitable, therefore having outside support to offer you tools along the way will help you to see that light.

You are loved!

Live from your Spirit, Love your Life,