Is Suffering Inevitable Or Optional?

I was having severe neck issues for a significant period of time, and I explored all aspects of it, meaning the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. I noticed certain ways of being that did not serve me at all, yet I was so habitually patterned for such an extended period of time that it felt easier to just continue rather than make a change.  Pain and pleasure are two motivating factors for us to create change. We avoid pain in order to experience pleasure.  Sometimes, we feel that if we begin to change there will too be pain, so we choose to stay with ’the lesser of the two’ because, since it is already so established, it is easier to cope with.  Of course, this is most often a subconscious decision.  Until….the pain becomes incredibly overwhelming and we say NO MORE! Not to mention, if we change, others may not like the changes we are making, which terrifies us.


Let’s look at the physical level alone.  It was not new news to me that my head is more forward of my shoulders. Most of us are misaligned due tot the fact that so much of our lives are in the forward motion: driving, working on a computer, looking down at our phones, etc. This was pulling so hard on the muscles that it caused my upper ribs to constantly protrude, and created a tightness in my chest which stretched over my back muscles, creating an imbalance, as well as huge knots at the base of my skull. As you can imagine, I was experiencing significant pain on a daily basis. I am curious… can you relate??

After my 5th visit to a chiropractor in one week and essentially suffering, it finally got through to me it was time to be more proactive.  This meant on a daily basis, it was imperative for me to consciously bring my shoulders back using the strength of my upper back muscles, stretch out my chest, and maintain a certain posture.  

When I started to incorporate this new way of being into my life, it didn’t feel ‘right’ and also hurt, in the sense that I was firing new muscles in my upper back, and it felt like work.  My ego would come in and create some story, ‘Uhhhh…This is HARD.  I don’t want to do this. It’s too challenging.’  Yet, I knew that if I didn’t change, I would be miserable and ultimately suffer even more. So there was this period of pain that I would need to endure in order to ‘break through to the other side’. This, my friends, is when we want to give up.  And this is when I say, and you have to say…KEEP GOING!

I frequently ask my clients and myself the questions:

How do you think this is serving you?

What do you feel it is costing you?

The answer to the first is frequently, ‘It’s NOT!’. To which I respond, actually it is.  If you are continuing to do it, it IS serving you….somewhere and somehow. This may be serving a deep core wound-I’m not good enough, I don’t deserve, I am not capable…I feel you are getting the gist of it.  So often, an old way of being can cleverly be playing out the exact thing that is holding us back from what we want.  In turn, we often suffer.  

Remember, ‘Pain is inevitable, while suffering is optional’  

Take a moment to watch a quick Connection Coach Tune-Up when I ‘hit the pause button’ on a ride.

Home Play:

*What is an area of your life (physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally) you would like to see change in because you are experiencing great pain or suffering? This can be over-giving at the expense of yourself, poor eating habits, over drinking or partying, hanging out with certain people that don’t fuel or support you.

*How is it serving you?  Get really honest with yourself. Look at what wounded aspects of you it might be fueling. For example-You are frustrated that you are the one doing EVERYTHING in your family-supporting financially, being the proactive one, nurturing the kids. This MAY satiate the part of you that loves control or loves to be the martyr.

*What is it costing you?  Physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, financially, within relationships, your health.  This is SO important.  Once you see that you are suffering and experiencing so much pain in many areas of your life because of this habit, it can become a motivating factor for you to create change.  There has got to be enough leverage for you to WANT to change.  The old voice and ego will come in large and in charge at this point, so this is when it is imperative for you to work through the resistance and choose YOU.

When we invite in change, resistance occurs, along with feelings of frustration.  This is normal and you are not alone!!  Yet, if we just try to do it out of sheer willpower alone, we will not see the lasting results we so desire. This is SO much of why I love what I do. I love supporting people in living the life they WANT to live, where they are thriving and are aligned with their Truth; their Spirit.  This takes commitment, intention, and consciousness.

I have many ways in which you can choose you and create a stronger connection with self. Reach out to me to for a 15 minute consult to see which would be the best option for you:  One-on-One Coaching, immersion or  2 day workshop. I look forward to hearing from you!

You deserve to experience joy in your life!

With deep love and much respect,